


So Young, So Much Pain

by Hiddlestoner0107



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Basically everyone is a dad, Dad Soldier: 76 | Jack Morrison, Gen, Multi, Self-Harm, Violence, dad McCree, little bit self inserted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-13
Updated: 2016-10-13
Packaged: 2018-08-22 03:51:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8271634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hiddlestoner0107/pseuds/Hiddlestoner0107
Summary: Hey, guys. I'm kind of dabbling in the Overwatch stuff now. I'm going to warn you now, there is violence, self harm, and slight verbal abuse. If any of these are triggers, please, only read if you can handle it. It's one of my more depressing fics, but there are some happy parts. I only have a few chapters written, but I will definitely be updating. Hope you enjoy!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> When I started writing this fic, I had already separated it into chapters. They are most definitely not the same length. Sorry. :/

I sat on the couch in the common room, the boredom killing me. I was the youngest of the Overwatch team, at 16 years old. Because of this, I was not allowed on dangerous missions, like the one the team was currently on. I was mainly used to gather intel and run errands. I was about to scream when the team trudged in the door. They looked like shit. Even Jamison wasn’t his usual energetic self. I watched as they all went to their rooms, except Jamison.

“What happened out there?”

“It was a prank call by Talon, and we got our arses handed to us.”

I winced. The team hadn’t been prepared for an attack. Especially one by Talon. I glanced in the direction of the living quarters.

“Go rest up, Jamie. You need it.”

He just nodded, and headed down the hall. I was alone again. I laid back down on the couch and fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up smelling coffee. I looked at the clock on the wall; three am. I sat up, and saw Soldier 76 leaning on the counter, coffee mug in hand. He saw me, and checked the time. 

“Shouldn’t you be in your room?”

“Sorry sir. I fell asleep here soon after you guys got back, and I guess time got away from me. It won’t happen again.”

He sighed.

“Just go to your room. You have an intel mission tomorrow.”

“Yes sir. And if I may ask, why are you up so early?”

“Couldn’t sleep.”

His tone made it clear I was not to pursue the subject. 

“Okay. Hope it gets better. Good night, sir.”

“Good night, kid.”

I sleepily headed to my room, where I fell asleep as soon as I laid down.  


	3. Chapter 3

 

I groggily woke up to someone saying my name. I groaned and mumbled shut up, before burrowing under the sheets. They were suddenly ripped off of me and a heavy lump fell on me.

“Come on, darlin’. You got a mission in an hour.”

“Piss off, Jesse.”

“That ain’t no way for a lady to talk.”

“We both know I ain’t no lady. Now piss off, ‘fore I make you.”

I yelped as I was lifted over McCree’s shoulder and carried through the halls. I tried wiggling free, but to no avail. He dropped me on the couch, and I pulled him down with me. He dragged us both to the ground, and we lay there laughing.

“You up now?”

I playfully smacked him on the chest, and he booped my nose. He suddenly went rigid, then fell on top of me, pinning me down.

“Ack! Jesse, get off me!!”

When he didn’t move, I took his hat and threw it across the room. He scrambled to get it while I leaped up, prepared to run. I was suddenly pinned on the floor again. McCree glared at me from under the hat.

“Now, you know the punishment for touching my hat.”

“Jesse.. Jesse, no!”

I fell into uncontrollable giggling as Jesse tickled the life out of me.

“Okay, okay! I’m sorry!”

He stopped, a shit eating grin on his face.

“I hate you, Jesse McCree.”

“You know you love me.”

“Won’t catch me saying it out loud.”

He tickled me again.

“Okay, I love you! Jeez!”

“Love you too.”

He placed a chaste kiss on my forehead before helping me up. Just then I heard heavy footsteps enter the room. My gaze was met by 76’s red visor.

“When you two are done horseplaying, Y/N has a mission.”

Jesse pulled me into a hug, kissing the top of my head.

“Stay safe kid. I love ya.”

“I will. Love you too, Jesse.”

At that, I walked out the door with the Soldier.


	4. Chapter 4

76 drove us to the mission on his motorcycle. I held onto his shoulders while we hit extremely illegal speeds.

“You holdin’ up okay?”

His gruff voice sounded in my ear piece.

“Yeah. What’s the case this time?”

“Our Talon informer may have been compromised. The code sentence is ‘Foxes are red.’ If he says ‘Foxes are grey’, get out of there. It means he’s been followed. If things go south, wait for me behind the shop. I’ll pick you up, and we’ll leave.”

“I could take them.”

“No! You do not engage!”

I flinched, his sudden anger a little scary.

“Okay.”

We arrived at the coffee shop, 76 dropping me at the door.

“Remember, ‘Foxes are red’.”

I nodded, then headed in. I spotted the informant at a corner table. He nodded, and I cautiously made my way to him.

“How’s the weather?”

“It’s fine. Did you know foxes are grey?”

I swallowed, trying to contain my fear. I quietly spoke into my earpiece.

“Foxes are grey. I repeat, foxes are grey.”

“Copy.”

I got up to leave.

“Thank you. I did not know that. I’m sorry foxes aren’t red. I hope they get away easily. I’ve heard they like roofs and dumpsters”

He barely nodded, getting my meaning.

I put a few hundred dollar bills on the table.

“Money helps with traps.”

I walked out, searching the area for suspicious looking people. I spotted one on the corner of the street, and two across from me. They all glanced at me.

“76, I think they’ve made me.”

“Head to the back. Do not engage, do you understand?”

“Yes sir.”

I headed to the back, when a man in a blue suit stepped in front of me.

“Where ya goin’, kid? It’s not safe behind this place.”

I nodded.

“Well, I’m meeting my friend back there. We’re playing a game where we’re Talon, and that’s our headquarters. We’re gonna kill the Overwatch people.”

He smirked, and ruffled my hair.

“Good luck.”

“Thank you.”

I walked away.

“Here’s a good luck charm.”

I heard three shots, and I felt a blinding pain in my knee, thigh, and hip. I cried out, and fell to the ground. I heard the click of his gun, then a thud. I heard familiar heavy footsteps as I faded in and out of consciousness.

“Hey, kid! You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. My leg is just shredded, that’s all.”

My head rolled back as I was losing the fight with unconsciousness.

“Hey, hey! Stay with me! Y/N!”

I passed out. The last thing I remembered was being loaded on a motorcycle, and transported somewhere.


	5. Chapter 5

I woke up in my bed, my throat dry, and my leg numb. I sat up, and tried to stand. I fell, and looked at my leg. Or, where my leg should’ve been. My leg was gone from the hip down. I heard my door open. It was 76. I stared at him, then my leg.

“Sir, my… my leg…”

He sat beside me on the floor.

“I know. We couldn’t save it. Your bones were shattered beyond repair, causing the muscle to tear. Even if we could repair the muscle, your leg would have had no structure.”

I just nodded. So I was a cripple. The team would have no need for me now. They’d probably throw me out on the streets. I looked at 76, my eyes full of worry.

“Sir, what will I do now? I’m of no use to the team. And if I stay, I’d just be a burden.W-will you throw me out?”

He looked at me with confusion. Then his expression was one of anger.

“Why would we throw you out? Because you have one leg? Look at Fawkes. He’s a walking work in progress, and we keep him on.”

"Sir, Jamison is good with explosives, and he has skills to offer. I know how to fight, but not with one leg. To teach me would just take time out of everyone’s day.”

“Y/N, you’re not leaving this team. That’s final.”

“Sir, I’d just b-”

“That’s final!”

I flinched.

“Yes sir. What should I do for the time being?”

“You should see the others. You’ve been out for five days.”

My eyes widened.

“Yes sir.”

I grabbed onto the bed, trying to pull myself up. The sheets didn’t hold me, however, and I fell on my back. I gave up, just lying there. Then I felt strong arms pick me up, carrying me bridal style. I looked up and saw 76’s stoic face. He took me to the kitchen, where he sat me down on a counter, and left. I heard footsteps running into the kitchen. It was McCree.

“Y/N!!”

He tackled me, pulling me off the counter, and holding me tight. I hugged him back, tears starting to fall.

“Kid, you scared me half to death. I thought you might have lost more than your leg.”

“I’m fine Jesse. I’m just a little crippled.”

I had an idea.

“Hey, I’m kinda like you. ‘Cept you’re missing an arm. But we kinda match!”

He laughed.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right, kid.” I heard more footsteps, and someone else joined the hug. It was Jamison.

“I’m glad you’re okay, little mate. Don’t know what I woulda done without ya.”

“You would have to make your own breakfast.”

“Tragedy.”

I laughed. We all broke from the hug. I slid down from the counter, wobbling on my one leg. Jesse and Jamie helped me to the common room, where everyone else was waiting. I heard a collective gasp as they all saw me. I looked up, putting on a smile.

“Hey guys. How’s everyone doin?”

Hana and Torbjorn gave me looks of concern, while Reinhardt, Bastion, Lena, and Lucio smiled at me.

“I’m fine guys. I would say give me a hand, but I really need a leg.”

There was half hearted laughter at my joke. McCree and Jamie set me on the couch, next to Lucio.

“Hey, Luce. How ya been?”

“Worried to death, like everyone else. You had us scared sick.”

“Sorry.”

He pulled me in a hug, and everyone else joined.

“Don’t apologize. It makes us feel like shit.”

Somewhere I heard Hana say “Language, Lucio.”

I felt a pressure on my hip, then it became severe pain. I yelped, and everyone scrambled back, apologizing.

“It's fine guys. It’ll just be sore for a few days.”

I heard familiar heavy steps enter the room. We all turned our heads to see 76 leaning on the doorframe.

“I need to talk to the kid. Alone.”

Everyone scrambled to leave, mumbling yes sirs. When they all left, 76 sat on the couch next to me.

“How’s your hip?”

“It feels fine.” I lied.

“Don’t try to be tough, kid. You’re allowed to say it hurts.”

“It hurts a bit, but I’ll live.”

“Hmm.”

We sat in awkward silence.  

“Sir?”

“We’re alone. Call me Jack.”

“That’s your name?”

“Yes, and if you tell anyone, I’ll shred your other leg.”

I giggled.

“Yes sir. I mean, Jack.”

“What was your question?”

“I just wanted you to know it wasn’t your fault. I screwed up, and got myself shot. I kind of deserved this.”

I pointed at my missing limb. Jack suddenly was towering over me.

“I don’t care what happens in this team, but you will never think you deserved it, or that it was your fault. No one deserves to lose a limb, least of all you. If I ever hear you say that again…”

He sighed.

“I’m sorry. We’ve all been pretty wound up these past few days. Fawkes refused to leave you until we had to drag him away. We were all pretty worried we’d lose you.”

I was surprised. 76 never apologized, and he never showed emotion. He looked at me, his blue eyes boring into my soul.

“I’m sorry I got you into this. If I’d let you stay here, maybe-”

“Jack, it’s not your fault. You couldn’t have known for sure if I was in danger.”

“I know. I still feel like shit.”

“Language, sir.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Good. Now come on. You need your rest.”

“Jack, it’s the middle of the day.”

“Excuse me?”

“Nothing.”

He nodded, and scooped me up, carrying me back to my room. He set me on my bed, and turned off the light. He closed the blinds, and pulled the sheets over me.

“Go to sleep, kid. I’ll wake you up for dinner.”

“Yes sir. Night, Jack.”

I thought I heard a chuckle from the soldier.

“Good night, kid.”


	6. Chapter 6

_ I felt a hand on my shoulder, whipping me around. I saw a man in a mask, a gun in his hand. He shot my leg, pain shooting through my system. He ripped off the mask. It was-- _

I woke up in a cold sweat. My breathing was heavy, and my heart was racing. I heard a knock on the door.

“C-come in.”

It was Jack. He seemed to notice my current state of unrest.

“You okay, kid?”

“Yes sir. I’m fine.”

“What did I tell you about lying to me?”

“It’s fine sir. Really. Just something childish.”

“You are a child. What’s wrong?”

I sighed.

“I just had a bad dream. That’s all.”

He looked me up and down.

“Seems like it was more than just a bad dream.”

“First one in while. Kind of got used to not having them, so this was a surprise.”

“Hmm. If you have any more, tell me.”

I nodded.

“Sir-”

“Jack.” He corrected me.

“Jack. Were you scared when you first joined Overwatch?”

He sat down on the side of my bed, looking at me.

“I was. I was excited, but in the back of my mind, I knew it was possible I could get killed. But that’s part of the job.”

“This was my first brush with death. Now I can’t stop dreaming about it.”

“They won’t go away for a long while. I wish I could pull you out of all this, but it’s too late.”

“Yeah…”

We sat in silence, then Jack stood up.

“Come on, you need to eat. And in front of the others, my name is 76.”

“Yes sir.”

“Can you walk?”

“Yeah.”

I was proven wrong when I stood up, and promptly fell. I landed at Jack’s feet.

“At least I know where the floor is.”

I saw a hint of a smile. He picked me up, carrying me to the kitchen, where the others were eating. They saw him carrying me, and they all looked away, snickering. I glared at them as Jack set me in a chair. He grabbed two plates for him and me. I tucked in, my hunger ravishing after five days of being fed through a tube. I noticed everyone staring at me.

"What? I’m fucking hungry.”

Jack smacked the back of my head, muttering something about language.

“Ouch! You shouldn’t hit a legless kid!”

Everyone laughed out loud, and I saw Jack turn around, hiding a grin. I smiled to myself, relishing in the knowledge I could crack the soldier’s shell. We finished dinner, and Jesse carried me to the common room, where we all watched a movie. I fell asleep on Jesse’s lap, and fell into Jack’s. He thought no one noticed as he slightly adjusted to hold my head with his hand, stroking my hair. Everyone did. They all knew I could get past his tough guy act, even if he didn’t show it. I curled into him, mumbling about zebras made of popcorn. He fell asleep too, and everyone left us on the couch, not wanting to disturb us. I didn’t have a nightmare that night.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is one of the more depressing chapters. If you can't handle that, please don't read it. There is self harm and death.

I woke up with someone’s arms wrapped around me, a blanket on top of both of us. I turned over, and found myself looking at Jack’s sleeping form. He looked peaceful in his sleep. I rolled over, and promptly fell off the couch. I let out a cry of pain, having landed on my hip. I heard rustling, then I saw Jack propped up on his elbow, looking down at me. He sighed, shaking his head. His look of exasperation made me angry.

“I’m sorry. I totally meant to inconvenience you by losing a leg and falling on my ass. Pardon me, I’ll just crawl back to my room.”

I started to army crawl back to my room, when I was picked up off the floor. I was not happy.

“Let me down! If I want to crawl like a bug, I will!”

He kept walking with me in his hold. I wiggled as hard as I could, but I couldn’t make him drop me. Finally, I gave up, and went limp. This seemed to work a little better, so I sprawled out, making it hard for him to keep his grip. As he adjusted, I thrashed, and then I was free. I crawled as fast as I could, but he overtook me in less than five steps. As I saw his boots stop in front of my face, I gave up. I rolled over, looking up at his face.

“Something you wanna tell me, kid?”

“No. Just let me crawl back to my room. I refuse to be carried like a baby anymore.”

He ran his hand over his scarred face, trying to stay calm.

“Until we can get the parts for your prosthetic, you’re stuck either staying in one place, or having one of us carry you.”

I harrumphed.

“No. I’m 16, not 2. I’m tired of being coddled.”

“Then stop acting like it.”

“I’m not. I’m trying to be independent.”

“I’m not having this argument while you’re laying on the floor.”

“Fine.”

I crawled around him, and got a bit farther, before he picked me up again.

“Try that again, and I’ll make you stay in your room till those parts get here.”

I crossed my arms, annoyed.

We arrived at my room, and Jack set me down on my bed. I rolled over to face away from him.

“Something’s bothering you.”

“Thanks for the observation, captain obvious.”

“Excuse me?”

“Nothing. I’m fine. You don’t have to stay with me.”

“And leave you alone with your thoughts?  That can be more dangerous than a mission.”

I turned over and sat up. I looked down at that space my leg should have been.

“Sir, I feel useless. Like my life doesn’t have meaning anymore.”

“Why is that?”

“Because I’m of no use to the team. You guys raised me to always assist the team in anyway you can. Now I can’t, and I can’t do anything about it. I just feel like it might have been better if the man had killed me. It’d be better than being a burden.”

I was suddenly sprayed by a cloud of plaster. Jack had punched the wall. I scrambled backwards, and fell off my bed, crawling to the corner of my room. I had pushed him to anger. No one on the team had seen 76 angry, but we had heard stories. None were good. I felt tears fall onto my cheeks. For the first time ever, I was afraid of him. He turned from the hole in the wall, and saw me huddled in the corner, crying in fear.

“What?”

His voice trembled with fury. I flinched, and I shrunk into myself when he walked over to me. He stopped a few inches away from me, his form blocking out the light. I huddled into a ball.

“What are you crying about?”

I looked up at him.

“Please, sir. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, just don’t hurt me. Please.”

He caught on. He must have seen the fear in my eyes, and realized it was because of him. He bent down, reaching out to me. I curled away from him, still afraid. He stopped moving, and pulled back his hand.

“I- I’m sorry, sir. Please, don’t hurt me. I-I’ll do anything. I’ll clean the kitchen, I’ll sc-scrub the t-toilets.”

His eyes betrayed his heartbreak.

“I’m not going to hurt you. I’d never do that.”

“You looked like you were going to a few seconds ago.”

“My anger wasn’t meant for you.”

“Then what was it meant for?”

“It hurts that you think you’re useless. It hurts that you think you do nothing for the team.”

“I don’t. Sure, I do, or used to do, intel, but only to make sure our intelligence is matching. I never gathered new intel.”

“Then you don’t pay attention. You do more for us than you think.”

“How so?”

“Ask McCree and Fawkes.”

“We’ll take it from here, mate.”

I looked up to see said teammates standing in my doorway. Jack gave me one last look before standing up and leaving the room. Jesse and Jamison sat in front of me.

“What did he mean, ask you guys?”

“You’ve helped the team in more ways than you know, darlin’. We’ll come in from a shitty mission, and you’ll be sitting on the couch, looking bored as can be. But every time you see us, your face lights up, even when we’re covered in blood and dirt.”

“You always know ‘ow we’re feeling, even if we’re trying our hardest to stay stone-faced. You know us better than we know ourselves, little mate, and you’ve singlehandedly pulled us through some tough times. I remember one time, I had cost us a mission victory with a misplaced mine, and I was so busy sulking in my room, I missed dinna. You took it on yourself to look for me. I was pissy and snappy, but you were patient, and you reassured me.”

“There was one time, I was sittin’ with my thoughts, which is never a good thing. You came in, and just sat with me. You didn’t say anythin’. You let me think, but I wasn’t alone with my thoughts. Afterwards, you didn’t push me to talk. You let me come along in my own time.”

“Anyone could have done that.”

 “Mate, you don’t get it. It was because it was you. Sure someone else ‘as the capability to do it, but no one ‘as the compassion. You genuinely care, and that’s what makes it matter.”

“76 said to ask us, cause we both wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you. We would have ended it ourselves long ago if you hadn’t been here for us. You didn’t know it, but you saved our lives, kid.”

I looked at them. They would have killed themselves if I hadn’t helped them. I felt my eyes sting, and my vision became blurry with tears. I pulled them both in a hug.

“Guys, you should see something.”

“What is it, little mate?”

I pulled up my sweater sleeves, revealing my arms. There were long, raised scars covering them. I lifted my shorts leg and the bottom of my sweater. The scars were everywhere. I saw Jesse and Jamie’s expressions go from confusion, to realization, then to despair. I pushed my shorts leg down, and let my hem down. Jesse took an arm, looking at the scars with great care. He let it go, then looked straight in my eyes. I had to look away from his soul searching gaze.

“Kid, how long has this been goin’ on?”

“For a few years. Since I went on my third mission.”

My third mission had been an absolute failure. Jesse had gotten severely wounded because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. I had discovered self harm a few days after.

“‘Ow many scars are there?”

“Last I counted, when I had my other leg, over 400. Probably around 350 now.”

Jamie got up and walked out of the room. I watched him go, tears falling from my eyes. I looked to Jesse.

“I’m sorry. I was going to tell you guys, but every time seemed like a bad time, because it would have ruined a happy moment. Please, don’t tell 76. If he wasn’t going to kill me before, he’ll kill me now.”

“Why would I do that?”

I turned to see Jack and Jamie standing in my doorway. I curled into myself. Jack’s was the only expression I couldn’t ever read. And his was blank now.

“Over 300 scars that you put there, and you never thought to tell us?”

His voice was scarily calm.

“Sir, I was going to, but every time I got the courage, it would have ruined a happy moment, and those are more important than my problems.”

“You think a ‘happy moment’ is more important than your well being? What have we taught you since we took you on as a five year old? The individual is just as important as the group.”

I hung my head. It was true.

“It’s hard to explain sir.”

“Try me.”

“It’s like, for some weird reason, I feel that applies to everyone but me. Like, everyone else’s happiness comes before mine. It’s something I taught myself. I don’t know why. I can’t help it. I care for others much more than I do myself.”

“McCree, Fawkes. Out.”

“Sir, the kid’s ju-”

Jesse was cut off with a pointed glare. He and Jamie shuffled out, closing the door.

“Y/N, how many years?”

“Since I was eleven, sir.”

“For five years, you were suffering. How did you hide it from us?”

“I kept smiling through the pain. Whatever small amount of happiness I felt, I made it seem like I was feeling much more than that. It helped when I was distracted. Like when I was comforting you guys, or working in the VR room. But I couldn’t always be distracted. At night, I would be in my bed, the lights off. I would be alone with my thoughts. I never came to any of you because I knew you all needed your sleep. I tried to sleep, but nightmares plagued my dreams. So, I cut. At first, I never did more than five at a time. Then it progressed to where I would make almost 50 all at once. They didn’t all scar. But most did. The combat suits made it easy to hide them with the long sleeves and legs. But sometimes the scars raised so much, they made little bumps. So, I tried filing them down, but it just made them bigger. That’s why I asked to have a larger size. I’ve managed to hide it for five years, but I couldn’t hide anymore. It’s better you find out from me telling you than from seeing them. It’s ugly. It’s disgusting. I can’t look at myself in the mirror, because almost every square inch of usually clothed skin is covered in long scars. It looks like I’ve been through a blender. And I hate myself for it. But I can’t stop. I have several blades hidden throughout the compound. I sometimes keep them with me. I’m sorry. I didn’t want you all to have to carry my emotional baggage.”

“Kid, your emotional baggage isn’t baggage anymore. It’s weighted chains. I just don’t understand. That much despair is hard to hide. You shouldn’t have to hide it. You don’t have to hide it anymore.”

“Please, don’t tell the others. Just keep it between you, me, Jamison, and Jesse. And Jack?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m dying.”

“What!”

“Look at my hip.”

I showed him the wound. It was black and shriveled.

“God, kid. That’s necrosis. MCCREE, FAWKES!! GET IN HERE!!”

I heard rushing footsteps.

“Yes sir?”

“Y/N’s wound is necrotizing. We need to remove it before it spreads.”

“Sir, it’s spread to my side. I let it.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I let it spread. It’s killing me. I don’t have much longer than a few minutes. That’s why I confessed.”

“Kid, no. You’re not dying on my watch.”

“I’m not. It’s on my watch. Goodbye, Jack. Goodbye, Jesse. Goodbye Jamison. I love you guys.”

And with that, I died.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, the next chapter or two will be depressing. This one especially. There is a suicide attempt, verbal abuse, and slight physical abuse. Again, please only read it if you can handle it.

I woke up from the nightmare with a bloodcurdling scream. It was the worst one I’d ever had. I screamed and screamed, and I cried. I heard feet running down the hall, but I didn’t process it. I was terrified. Jesse reached my room first.

“Kid, kid! Y/N?!”

He ran over to me, holding me still. I kept screaming and crying. I ripped off my sheets, touching my leg. It was still there.

“Jesse!! My leg! Is it still there? Is it black? Oh my god!!”

I sobbed into his chest. Jamie walked in. Jesse mouthed nightmare.

“Kid, you’ve never woken up like that. What happened?”

“I lost my leg on a mission. Then I told ya’ll about something I did, then my wound was necrotizing, and I had let it spread so I could die. Then I died, and I couldn’t make it stop. I couldn’t wake up! Jesse, it was fucking terrifying!! It seemed so real, and I couldn’t make it stop!”

“Oh, kid. Oh my god.”

I screamed again, then I continued crying. Heavier steps entered my room.

“Kid, I swear to god if this is about another fucking cricket-”

Jack stopped as he saw Jesse cradling me, and I was sobbing.

“Kid?”

“Sir, Y/N had a nightmare.”

“But he’s never woken up like that.”

“In it, he lost his leg, told us about something he did, and he said it was necrotizing, and he had let it spread so he could die. He said it seemed pretty real. Sir, he’s terrified.”

“I knew this would happen. I just didn’t want it to be so soon.”

I had stopped sobbing, but I was still crying. My breath came in short bursts, and my pulse was still racing.

“S-sir, m-m-my leg.. is.. is it still there?”

Jack looked at my leg.

“Yeah, it’s still there kid. All in one piece, and attached.”

I let out a small sigh. I clung to Jesse.

“I-i’m sorry for waking you up. I couldn’t stop screaming. I was scared. I thought I was dead. I thought I had left you guys. I don’t want to leave.”

“Little mate, what was it that you told us you did?”

“I- I can’t tell you.”

“You can tell us anything.”

“You don’t understand, I can’t tell you. You’ll think I’m a freak.”

“Darlin’, I have a bionic arm, and Jamison’s a walking junkyard. Winston is a talkin’ gorilla, Torbjorn is a grumpy dwarf, Reinhardt is a german gentleman, and Bastion has a small bird friend. There’s nothing you could do to make us think you’re a freak.”

I sighed, pulling myself away from Jesse. I did what I did in the dream, only with two legs. I still looked like I had walked through a blender.

“This is what I did. Over 400 scars for five years, since my third mission. I’ve hid it with makeup and fake smiles. Why? Because you guys don’t need my emotional baggage, you have enough of your own. I do it because the makes me feel good, like a high. Until the guilt rolls around, and I do it again. Then comes the guilt again. It’s a vicious cycle.”

I rolled my sleeves down and covered up my stomach and thighs. Jamie’s eyes filled with tears, then he got up and walked out.

“Jamie..”

“I can’t right now, little mate. I’m sorry. I’ll be back, I promise.”

I hung my head.

“It’s hard on him, darlin’. He cares more than you think.”

“And what about you?”

“It hurts that you think you couldn’t have come to us. It hurts that you resorted to hurting yourself. You’re just a kid, but you have more scars than all of us combined.”

“I know, it’s ugly. I feel disgusting.”

“It’s not ugly, Y/N. It’s just heartbreaking.”

“Y/N, next time you feel like this, come to McCree, Fawkes or me. Please.”

The pain in his voice hurt. He felt so bad, that he was showing emotion in front of not only me, but Jesse too.

“Yes, sir.”

“Don’t. You don’t have to say sir.”

“Sorry si- I mean 76.”

He nodded slightly.

“Kid, do you have any fresh ones?”

“On the top of my arms. Only about twenty this time.”

“Let’s get those cleaned up.”

“Okay.”

Jesse picked me up, carrying me to the kitchen, where we kept the first aid. He set me on the counter and rummaged through the drawers. Jamie came in, and leaned on the counter next to me. He hung his head, refusing to look at me.

“Jamie…”

He didn’t respond.

“Jamie, please…”

He looked up, his eyes red from crying.

“Don’t. You don’t get to talk to me like I’m the one who cut my own skin open. I’m not the one who was suffering alone for five years. You were hurting, and I couldn’t tell. What kind of friend am I?”

“My friend. You weren’t the only one who didn’t notice. No one else did. I’ve gotten good at hiding it. It’s not your fault.”

“Even your father didn’t notice.”

“My what?”

“Your father.”

“My father is dead, just like my mother.”

“No, he’s alive, and he’s been here all along.”

I heard a drawer slam.

“Jamison.. I’m warning you now.”

“He deserves to know, McCree. He needs to know.”

“We had an agreement.”

“You weren’t gonna do anything anytime soon.”

“I.. I was waiting for the right moment.”

“If there was eva a right moment, this is it, mate.”

“All right. Can I talk to him alone?”

“Yeah.”

Jamie looked at me, then left the kitchen. Jesse came beside me, leaning on the counter.

“Kid, you know how your father died in a fight?”

“Yeah. Me and mom lived alone till she died.”

“Well, your daddy didn’t die in the fight. He just lost his arm. He was afraid his kid would think of him different if he went back, so he left and joined a special team. That team’s name was Overwatch.”

Realization dawned on me.

“You. You’re my dad. You’ve been my dad this whole time.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

“And you never thought to tell me.”

“Soldier forbid it. Said it’d be a distraction for you. It might jeopardize missions.”

“Fuck him. For five years, I thought my entire family was dead. For five years, I thought I was alone.”

“You have us, Y/N.”

“That’s different. A kid needs his mother and his father. I haven’t had a father since I was three or a mother since I was eight. I lived alone for three years until you guys found me. You didn’t even react, did you?”

“I didn’t know it was you at first. I mean, you were real young when I l-”

“When you left.”

“Yeah. But you were a teen when we found you. When you told us your name and your story, my heart broke. I was worried you’d recognize me. I tried to convince 76 to get you somewhere else, but when you showed promise, he kept you on. Hehe, I think he might have softened a little for you.”

“You tried to send me away, because you were afraid I’d remember how you abandoned me and mom. Great. I can see the courage they saw in you when they took you on.”

“This is what I was afraid of.”

“Jesse, I’m not mad because you left. Well, I am, but I’m not as mad about that as I am about the fact that for five years, you let me believe you were dead. Anything else you wanna tell me?”

“Jamie’s your uncle.”

“Oh, of course. Of course you’re brothers.”

“He married my sister. She died, but we were close enough by then we still called each other brothers.”

“Ah. Well, I’m going to bed. Good night, _Dad_.”

I put as much malice into the word as I could. I saw him flinch, and I walked away, satisfied. I bumped into Jamie on my way down the hall. He gave me a questioning look, and I gave him a look of betrayal. I continued down the hall. I opened a door, and flopped on a bed. I thought it was a bed. I thought it was my bed. It was neither of those things. It was a soldier. I yelped, and rolled off. He sat up, turning on the light and pointing a gun at me.

“Y/N, what are you doing in my room?”

“I thought it was my room. It is not my room. I see that now.”

“Yeah. Great. Now get to bed.”

“Yes sir. Oh, and Jack?”

“Thanks for telling me about Jesse being my undead father.”

His face paled slightly.

“He told you.”

“Yeah. He said you forbid it because ‘it might jeopardize a mission.’ With all due respect sir, that was a dick move.”

“You won’t talk to me like that.”

“Yes, I will. I don’t care who the fuck you think you are, you earn respect. You have just lost mine, asshole. You don’t keep shit like that from someone. And until you earn my respect back, your name will be either asshole, dickhead, or Commander Pissant.”

I was suddenly pinned against a wall, Jack using his height to his advantage.

“Listen here, kid. I am your commander. You _will_ respect me. You will _not_ talk to me like that. I keep whatever information I want from you, and you will not question it. Understood?”

I spit in his face.

“No, _sir_.”

He slapped me across the face, and I fell to the ground.

“You want information?! Fine! You killed your mother! She caught a virus **you** had, and she died from it! McCree lost his arm protecting you! You have been the cause of the team almost splitting a few times!! You are a burden! How’s that for information?!?!”

My heart broke into a thousand pieces. I wanted to cry, but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. I stood up and brushed myself off. I looked Jack in the eye.

“Thank you for sharing, but _you_ listen to _me,_ Jack Morrison. You will regret saying any of that, whether it has truth or not. You will notice something soon, and it will be your fault. You will live with it for the rest of your days. And I hope it eats you from the inside out. I hope it kills you every time you think of it. Because only you will have caused it. I want you to know that I love you. But I am not sure you feel the same for me. If anything, tonight, you have made the opposite very clear. Good night, Jack. I don’t expect you to stay up. I expect you to sleep like a rock. After all, those with no hearts have no remorse.”

With that I walked out of his room. I ran to mine, where I took a butcher’s knife from under my shirt. I looked up at the ceiling.

“I’ll see you soon, mom.”

I slit my wrists with the knife, blood spurting everywhere. I laid down, my arms crossed over my chest as if I was dead.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last one, guys. I couldn't think of any way to continue this, and I feel like this is a good place to end. I'm happy with the way it turned out, and if you guys want any one shots/short stories based on this, please tell me! I'd love to hear your ideas.

## Third Person POV

 

He paced his room, wondering what Y/N meant. He was wrong, though. Jack felt like shit. He thought maybe he should go apologize, but maybe Y/N needed time. Then, there was the threat. He decided to just check on him. He walked down the hall, and reached the child’s room. He knocked on the door, and when he heard no answer, he entered. He saw Y/N laying on his bed, sleeping. He sighed. Jack walked over to pull the covers over him when he saw blood covering the entire bed and dripping onto the floor. He saw the large knife, then he located the origin of the blood. Y/N had slit his wrists. Jack picked up one hand. It was slightly colder than normal. As he moved it, more blood gushed out. Y/N had hit both arteries. Jack vaguely remembered screaming for the team.

“Someone!! Help! It’s Y/N!!”

He heard many pairs of footsteps, but he was focused on stopping the bleeding. He ripped his shirt, tying tight bandages around the child’s arms, trying to cut off circulation. The blood still poured. McCree reached him first. He saw Y/N and screamed. The others knew something was terribly wrong. They all saw the event unfold. They stood, frozen in fear. Jack screamed for someone to get Angela. She was on vacation. Lucio stepped up, and assessed the situation. It was not good. Lots of lost blood. He tried wiping away the blood on Y/N’s arms, but more soon replaced it.

“Sir! I need you to get a strip of cloth and pull it as tight as you can around his arm.”

Jack did as Lucio said. The bleeding slowed enough for Lucio to clean away the blood. He took out packing material and a medical sewing kit. He packed the wound and sewed it shut. He placed a mechanical tourniquet on the arm, allowing blood flow, but not enough to flood the wound. He did the same on the other arm, and he checked the kid’s pulse. It was dangerously slow.

“I need to give him adrenaline, but if I do, it could be too much, and the wounds might flood.”

He had an idea.

“Someone, get me some pepper and a habanero!”

McCree ran to get the stuff, returning in record time. Lucio took a few seeds from the habanero and sprinkled them with pepper. He placed some on Y/N’s tongue and in his nose. He checked his pulse. It was quickening. His body thought it was under attack, and raced to find the culprit. When Y/N started to salivate, Lucio removed the seeds. He checked Y/N’s pulse. It remained normal. He nodded, and the tension in the room eased slightly. He hooked the child up to monitoring machines, and kept everyone but McCree, Jamison and Jack out. The three mentioned never left the child’s side. They panicked when the monitor flatlined, but it had simply unhooked by accident. When he woke up, their worries seemed to disappear.

# First Person POV: Y/N

I woke up surrounded by darkness. I said out loud,

“Yep this is it. I’m in hell.”

I heard footsteps.

“Shit, Satan, is that you?”

Suddenly I saw the light. When my retinas were done burning, I saw Jesse standing above me.

“Man, that’s just cruel. Pretending to be my dad? That’s fucked up.”

“Y/N, I’m not Satan.”

“That’s what Satan dad would say.”

“Look around.”

I looked around. I was in my room, lying in my bed. I looked down. My arms were stitched and bandaged. I moved one and it hurt like shit.

“Jesse? Am I really alive?”

“Yeah, Y/N. You were pretty close to dyin' though.”

“Sorry isn’t close to the right word, but I’m sorry. I just.. Jack said some stuff. Is it true mom died from a virus I gave her? And you lost your arm protecting me? And.. that I almost made the team split a few times? Is it true I’m a burden?”

“Y/n, Jack.. Jack was mad. He was hurt. He-”

“Is. It. True?”

“Yeah. You came home from school one day sick. Your momma didn’t tell you, but she had cancer. Her body couldn’t fight the virus. As for my arm, some thugs were trying to take you hostage. I stopped them, but I lost my arm in an explosion. And the team almost split because some of us want you to stay here at the base at all times and not go on missions. Others say you should be at least allowed to go outside.”

“And am I a burden?”

“Hell no! You’ve never been a burden! Jack was out of line when he said all of that, but that was way out of line. Please, don’t think that. You’ve been anything but a burden. You’ve lifted burdens from us. But it looks like you took them on yourself.”

I just nodded. I heard a knock at the door. It was Jack. I looked at Jesse, who had a murderous look in his eyes. 

“Jesse, no. Let me talk to him.”

He didn’t respond.

“Jesse. _Dad._ ”

That got his attention. He nodded and walked out, bumping Jack on his way. He shut the door. Jack sat down next to me. I refused to look at him.

“Y/N.”

I didn’t move.

“Y/N, please.”

_Nope._

“Y/N, please. Talk to me.”

_You think you deserve my acknowledgement?_

“Please.”

That last please was barely audible. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, and I saw something I’d never thought I’d see. Jack Morrison was crying. He was crying because of me. I looked straight at him, my heart breaking. I painfully lifted my hand and placed it on his. He looked up at me. His eyes were red and filled with tears. He was so broken. He gripped me tight in a hug, and I cried into him. His chest shook with sobs, and I knew he would never live this down. He’d never forgive himself. I kept crying long after his tears had stopped. Finally, my eyes dried.

“Jack, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Please, don’t say that. Please. It’s not your fault.”

“Don’t beat yourself up over this.”

“It’s my fault. I hurt you to the point where you did this. Why would I ever forgive myself?”

“Because I do. We were both at fault. Please, Jack. I won’t let you kick yourself for this.”

“Okay. Okay. Please, just don’t ever do this again.”

“I promise. I’m sorry, Jack. I love you.”

“I love you too, Y/N. So, so much”

 


End file.
